this divine intersection

It’s odd that it’s come this far,
Like finding the end of the world only to find it begins again,
Like riding some perpetual wave,
Like standing at the very collision of past and future,
Wondering what divine moment lies herein.

I truly am blown away at where I am. So long ago thinking about the future, life into my twenties seemed to just blur out. As if I never actually expected to make it here and stranger yet, I will make it much, much further. Life is just way over my head, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that this second counts. There is no other place to live then at the divine intersection between history and future. I stand in a position of constantly forcing my way through time, continually writing history. God teach me to write well!

my extraordinary fear

I think I could use a little more abandon in my life. A little more letting go.

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Mt. 16:24

I hold onto my own dreams, even though they are broken, incomplete visions of what God has in store. Perhaps I have envisioned the good and let go of the great. Maybe I have somehow settled for the best I can imagine, unwilling to step into the amazing willing of God. I need a little more reckless abandon in the pursuit of God.

I reject the ordinary but can’t quite catch hold of the extraordinary. Maybe it’s because I secretly believe extraordinary people live on a lonely plane. Somehow I have come to believe that the closer I step to God the more he will strip from me. I suppose what’s at the heart of this is that I believe I am better at fulfilling my own desires than God is.

Maybe I secretly believe that God has an extraordinary calling on my life, and suddenly I realize I still have a love for the ordinary. Extraordinary people have no fear of the unknown, and they do not clutch to the past.