I can say that i am pretty constantly under the scrutiny of myself. Constantly evaluating where i stand before God based on certain internal and external indicators in my life by which i gauge my standing before the almighty. And that's been a pretty unstable way to live.
And lately all those senses have failed.
I can not find any presence of God in my senses and the only thing that i can feel is a whirlwind of temptations and discouragements telling me who i am not before God.
But i had a wonderful morning.
Finally i managed to get myself solely in the presence of God long enough to catch his heart. This is the vision i got;
I saw myself with arms open before the throne and God Himself. My eyes gouged out bleeding from their sockets and on my knees i ask, "God where are you?", along with many other questions(that reveal my mistrust in God) that have been invading my heart lately. And there i am asking the Lord of lords these things never realizing that i am standing in the presence of all the kings of heaven, and i too am a king. These kings are radiating with glory, myself included, but i don't understand without my sight so i continue to state my failures before the King.
I am a king. You are a king or you are a queen but you are not a failure. You are not a bottom of the barrel Christian. I feel like i am hanging on for dear life in this life, but my identity has never been so solid. I am a king. The real question is, when will i realize it?
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2 comments:
always solid messages in your posts, andrew. i fully admire you and your pursuit of God.
i'm back home this sunday night. so i'll see you soon!! and yes, the blogging will start again.
PS. i hope you're still hitting up the vineyard because i want a friend to sit with!
hey your home soon! that is awesome...and actually i totally haven't ever been waking up early enough for vineyard, but this fall i gotta get back into it, so yeah lets do it...
enjoy your last week in whistler!
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